the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
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