party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Randomize
