i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
Randomize
