This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
Randomize
