there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
Randomize
