so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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