She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
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