did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
Everything about him screamed your future.
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
Randomize
