This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
Randomize
