Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
Randomize
