There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
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