picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
