Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Randomize
