is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
They have beer where we have blood.
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
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