$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Randomize
