i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
Randomize
