So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
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