i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
She bit a glass in half.
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
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