Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
I need to wash the frat house off of me
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
