i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
Randomize
