As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
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