....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
Randomize
