so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
you're hired as official boob wrangler
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
Randomize
