In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
