i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
My liver is preforming stress tests.
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
Randomize
