I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
Randomize
