While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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