If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
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