I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
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