This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Randomize
