I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
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