i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
the day after is always just damage control
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
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