Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
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