Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Randomize
