i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize
