Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
cat food counts as protein by the way
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
Randomize
