Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
Randomize
