its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
