Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
God, you're like boner-b-gone
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
