Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Randomize
