She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
Randomize
