I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
Randomize
