Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
Randomize
