Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
