I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
Randomize