mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
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