I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
Randomize
