She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
dude. I can hear the air.
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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