Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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