There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
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