i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
Randomize
