Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize
