About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
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