Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
