I can text with my tongue
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
Randomize
