Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize
