talk about how much treatments for your hpv hurts
We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
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