So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
Randomize
