i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Randomize
