Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
Randomize
