I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
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