Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm đđ»đ
We are so blessed
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Canât. Tonightâs a netflix and dick night
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