Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
Randomize
