Kiss
Puke
u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize